Drink less

Metal note to self……………..Drink less! How many times have we said it? “Never again”. If you’re anything like me the answer is many many times. In fact the number isn’t the same as the number of hangovers I’ve had. It’s closer to the number of times I can remember stupid things I have done and said whilst pissed.

My brother P was at Mum and Dad’s visiting from Hong Kong. We have always had a relationship where we get on really well but we have a capacity to really enrage each other. I’ve been thinking back and it’s always when we’re pissed. P it seems has developed an interest in alternative medicine. He’s not a whacko but he’s open minded. I’m probably not very open minded about it if I’m honest and when I’m pissed I’m always honest. For honest read indelicate and stupid. When I encounter people with beliefs contrary to my own I try to handle it delicately. Alcohol seems to dissolve this ability. It also dissolves Pete’s ability to tolerate me winding him up. So once again our infrequent meeting was to some extent spoilt by a row which left us both angry. Just like last time it was on the last evening and just like last time we were drunk or at least I was. Mum was there and put a stop to it but in the past things have got ugly on one occasion about 7 years ago I ended up knocked out on the floor in a puddle of blood. My little brother isn’t so little any more. On this occasion next day nothing more was said on the subject and we had a great laugh showing A the ‘Eye Toys’ game on the PS2. The fact remains we keep doing this. I can’t stop myself from having a dig. At least I can’t when I’ve had a drink. It makes me think if I am to have a good relationship with P I have to cut out the booze when I’m around him.

On two recent occasions I have seen two of my friends in complete states and rather than just think it was hilarious as I might normally it struck me that it is getting less funny. It’s almost sad. I think that to function in this society without alcohol is harder than functioning without eating meat. No one will let it lie. You get pestered and pestered until you relent.
It is my opinion that we all know two contradictory things to be absolutely true about alcohol;.

1. Without alcohol we can’t loosen up, dance, talk with wit and entertain the crowd.
2. When someone drinks they become less funny less able to dance and a complete bore.

Holding two contradictory beliefs leads to a psychological phenomenon called cognitive dissonance. Basically this is where you hold contradictory beliefs which causes psychological strain and your brain is forced to generate elaborate strategies to avoid confronting the contradiction, the dissonance. One such strategy which allows you to believe both things about alcohol is to say that you know when to stop, you can handle your drink, you are different, special. To believe that there is an optimum level of intoxication which walks the tight rope between raconteur and oaff and you’ve got it cracked, it’s the others that can’t pull it off. In fact if we’re honest that is utter bollocks. What is actually true is that we need everyone else to get a little bit more pissed than us. We basically want to get pissed because it is enjoyable it is a drug induced loss of control which is a thrill but we don’t want anyone to see us as we know we really are when drunk. That is why a teetotaller is as welcome at a dinner party as a sneezing Vietnamese chicken. As a host I’d rather cater for an ultra vegan than for someone who doesn’t drink. This is because a sober member of the party will see that the emperor really is naked and we really are just pissed boring idiots arguing about completely meaningless nonsense. They are like a CCTV camera or a magic mirror. We can see the disapproval in their eyes even through our alcoholic fog even if they are trying their best not to let it show. We can remember the times we’ve watched boozed up toffs thinking they’re comedians. They will force us to admit that we don’t know when to stop. They will make us realize that one of the truths about alcohol will have to go, will have to be erased because they can’t both be right. Alcohol is a recreational drug if recreational drugs are a bad idea then they are a bad idea without exception.
We’ve all seen the extreme cases of alcohol misuse and that’s obviously bad but how many little injuries to your relationships, your career, has it caused?
I no longer use any illicit substances. Now I’m going to drink less. I mean it this time. Although I doubt I can stop altogether.